Resilience: Do We Have It? How Do We Get It?

In the June 1, 2015 issue of Time Magazine, Mandy Oaklander has written an excellent article called Bounce Back: Scientists Now Know Why Some People Rebound So Well From Setbacks. They also have discovered ways in which the rest of us can become more resilient. I recommend the article because who among us has not had to pick herself up off life’s floor—probably more than once—and carry on? Probably we have noticed over time that some people do that with more apparent ease than we seem to and we have wondered, how does she do that?

Spiritual and metaphysical teachers might describe the Bounce Back ability as being willing to “die:” that is, to surrender to what is past and over. We are willing to be reborn into something new without trying to control what that something is. Instead, in faith, we allow it to evolve.

Or, as a friend of mine used to say, “when you find yourself hanging on to the edge of a cliff with your bare fingers, just let go.” Another way of looking at it might be: if you feel like you have been paddling upstream against the wind with half an oar, throw the oar overboard and allow the stream to take you wherever it will. Trusting. Trusting God, the Universe, the force of life itself.

Recently in a conversation with a friend, I was asked how I managed to leave Ohio in 1979, just leave everything—all my stuff, my house, twenty-three years of life there---and abandon it in order to stay in Bridgehampton, NY?  (For the story, please see blog: A Pivotal Person Can Change Your Life.) My response was, “I was dying in Ohio.”

Sometimes that happens. We “die” to a way of life, and miraculously—everything that happened to me after I left Ohio seemed miraculous---when we are willing to drop that oar, a powerful, benign force takes over. And then we can allow the stream of life itself to carry us into a new form of existence.

According to the studies cited in Time Magazine, we would then be considered resilient: someone who can bounce back. I have to say, I do not think of this re-creation process as “bouncing” exactly. That is not the word I would use. If you have fallen flat on your face or even to your knees, my experience and from what I have learned as a counselor, is that rebirth is not without its pangs: more like crawling back than bouncing.

Word choice notwithstanding, I hope you will check out this article; it is wise and informative. It is also worth noting that Oaklander  refers to scientific studies, which demonstrate that regular meditation practice increases resilience.

This is Time Magazine’s list of “Expert Tips for Resilience:”

1.   Develop a core set of beliefs that nothing can shake.

2.   Try to find meaning in whatever stressful or traumatic thing that happened. (Allow time for this!)

3.   Try to maintain a positive outlook.

4.   Take cues from someone who is especially resilient.

5.   Don’t run from things that scare you: face them.

6.   Be quick to reach out for support when things go haywire.

7.   Learn new things as often as you can.

8.   Find an exercise regimen that you will stick to.

9.   Don’t beat yourself up or dwell on the past.

10.Recognize what makes you uniquely strong—and own it.

The core belief “tip” stimulated some discussion in my meditation group. What are our “core beliefs,” we wondered? Some we are conscious of, but many of them that drive our choices and dominate our ideas about the world and ourselves, are unconscious. It might be a good idea, we thought, to make a list of our core beliefs, thus bringing them into the light.

If we want to learn more about our own capacity for resilience, making such a list would be a really good start.

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