Well Past The Filter Stage

During the early spring, Governor Chris Christie is reputed to have said something along these lines: ‘what is it with women over sixty-five? They say whatever is on their minds without a filter!’ (Of course some might say that about the governor himself.)

Apparently a woman had said to Governor Christie, point blank, “I don’t like you.” To his credit, word has it that Christie responded by asking her to walk with him and tell him exactly why.

My source on this story is pretty reliable and that being so, it makes me like Christie in spite of the “Bridgegate” disaster.

But is it true? Are woman over sixty-five more outspoken than younger women? My guess is yes. And the reason? Because, unless you are a famous person, we, ordinary women, are well into the “invisible” stage of our lives by the time we reach that age.

You know what I mean about the “Invisible Stage” don’t you? When we no longer turn men’s heads; when we no longer receive an appreciative glance. We are completely off the male radar and equally, we present no competition for other women.

A good-looking friend of mine, who is sixty-two, and often in New York, notices: “I used to get a turned head, but no more!”

If we are single, we’re not on the A list--if we ever were—for local events. We tend to rely on a few close friends and we confine our socially eclipsed lives to small gatherings and concerts or the movies. We do our jobs and volunteer work with grace and competence, and are grateful for funny birthday cards from friends and colleagues.

Recently I watched a receptionist—maybe not quite sixty-five—but definitely of a “certain age,” working the phones at an elegant New York law firm. I admired her as she handed people off to one another, organized an actual glass of water for me with ice and a straw and found my lawyer in the courtroom where he had been delayed by a case, arranged for him to speak to me, etc. She knew her job! My guess is there was a woman who would not suffer fools gladly.

  On the plus side sexual invisibility is utterly liberating. Gone is the good girl raised by Mom to please others and by sixty-five--likely earlier--someone else has evolved to take her place: a woman free to be herself, free to speak her truth.

If we are with partners, by that age, our essential selves have come into being in their company and, over time, presumably we have amped up  our partners' tolerance level. If we are on our own, it’s no holes barred. We have nothing to lose and even if we are a bit rude—sorry, Governor Christie--who is checking?

Gloria Steinem has said, “Women may be the one group that grows more radical with age.” At her eightieth birthday she commented, “A dwindling libido makes a woman’s mind free for all kinds of great things.”

“Great things:” indeed. By sixty-five we are well into the era of the “wise woman, the crone,” a time in our lives rich with meaning and possibilities.

But that’s another blog.

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We want to know! Is the above true for women in other countries?  A “Yes” or “No” would do.  Comments from any of you would be so welcome. Also, I would love to know how you find this blog. Facebook? Sharing? I am both delighted and curious.

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